5 Quirkiest Berlin Bars

As a city boasting over 4,000 bars, pubs and clubs and with a nightlife that has long assumed legendary status, finding your favourite spot in Berlin can feel an overwhelming prospect. 

A legacy of the city’s divided history is that it doesn’t have any one single ‘old city’ centre like many European equivalents.   That’s no bad thing as it means every neighbourhood has local hotspots – be they hidden speakeasies, old-school smoke filled Kneipe or themed bars where you need pictures lest nobody believe they exist.

I spent a very happy year living in Berlin in my 20s and every time I return, I try to balance returns to old haunts with finding new places.   Condensing this list into five of the best quirky bars in Berlin isn’t the easiest but here goes.

Klo - Europe's only toilet themed pub (I shit you not...)

📍 Getting there: Leibnizstrasse 52,  S-Bahn Savignyplatz or take an U-Bahn to Bahnhof Zoologischer-Garten and then bus 109, 110, M29 or X10 to Olivaer Platz.

Urinals of beer.  Severed heads and hydraulic coffins. More kitch than a Steps concert.   That’s an entirely understated description of ‘Europe’s only toilet themed pub’ where nothing is too puerile to be laughed at.  It’s bizarre, it’s bonkers, it’s brilliant.

Incongruously located on a corner in otherwise rather staid Charlottenburg for over fifty years, I first visited this place in my final weekend living the first time.   I’d lived less than 200m away and had never heard of it until a workmate recommended it.  Ever since, it’s been a regular stop in introducing new visitors.

It’s a pretty close knit place so if you’re visiting in a large group or on a weekend, you may want to book a table - or more accurately a coffin

The staff are only too happy to give you a tour of the – somewhat phallic - ‘facilities’.  Definitely a ‘pics or it didn’t happen’ type of place.

Stagger Lee - Old West Speakeasy with killer cocktails

📍 Getting there: Nollendorfstrasse 27, U-Bahn 2 or 3 to Nollendorfplatz

Named after a 19th century St Louis criminal, immortalised in song, with décor to match, Stagger Lee stands apart as one of the best cocktail bars in the city - if not the country.  The effortless style of the Old West with a menu that would grace any saloon over the past two centuries.

The cocktail selection can best be described as opulent, where ‘Frida Kahlo’ bumps up against ‘Giovanni Marchini’ and which showcase local ingredients and in-house creativity. Where else will you be able to select a cocktail inspired by Nick Cave crooning ‘If I don’t get a rye whiskey surely I will die’ or sample a ‘Bucket of Blood’.  

The ‘True Grit’ (gin, lemon juice, elderflower syrup, apple juice, cucumber and basil) was a masterclass of flavour balance and the dark beer syrup in the Old Fashioned commits heresy in the best way imaginable.

Open from 7pm nightly.  Ring the bell for entry (don't worry if it takes a minute, they heard it!)  Separate smoking/non-smoking sections (which was decidedly welcome.)

Bierhaus Urban - 1985 called. It wants its pub back.

📍 Getting there: Urbanstrasse 126, U-Bahn 8 to Schoenleinstrasse

One of several bars that claim never to close, Bierhaus Urban has opened its doors since 1985.  It doesn’t look like it’s decorated since then but this is the archetypal Berlin dive bar where you’ll encounter all the characters you’d expect of a John Le Carre novel – dark, smoky and several steps removed from the outside world.   You could be a fly on the wall but the patrons enjoy meeting new flies so there’s little prospect of escape!

At 4pm on a grey November afternoon, we were accosted by such a trio. Polite dinner party rules in not discussing politics, religion or money were disregarded as we veered from Trump - a reliable point of fascination to a Germany audience - to the respective fortunes of FC Union Berlin - pfft - and how many houses you could buy in Naples for the price of one Charlottenburg town house - several according to one of our new friends who was planning to do exactly that. Truthfully we found this whole place by accident after Bei Schlawinchen (Schoenleinstrasse 34) - another 24hr joint let us down. By being closed,

One of the cheapest pints you find in town (€3.50), live blues music at the weekend, a perfect accompaniment to the frigid afternoons of winter.  Smoky AF.

Beavis Bar - I'll need a minute to read this menu

📍 Getting there: Veteranenstrasse 11, U-Bahn 8 to Rosenthaler platz or trams M8 or M12 to Brunnenstrasse/Invalidenstrasse

Not named after the 90s MTV phenomenon is the only disappointment associated with this gem of a place I found on my last visit.   This place stocks every spirit you’ve ever heard of and hundreds that you haven’t. Seriously, the menu is the size of an Old Testmament. With footnotes.

Their menu spans over 1,400 spirits across gin, grappa, fruit brandies, whiskeys and gins from both local and global producers.  No beers or wines here but frankly, why would you?  You can sample some of these in a tasting (as we did, organised via Air BnB experiences) accompanied by a thoughtful and detailed commentary from American-Dutch proprietors John and Rik, who offer to refund the cost of the experience if we could correctly identify the core ingredient of all five of the fruit brandies we sampled.    Good luck with that!

With such an expansive choice, you’ll be grateful for their guidance in recommending combinations and cocktail that match your preferences.   I only wish I’d taken the time to note down the ingredients, not that I’d ever found them in Cambrideshire.

Kumpelnest 3000

📍 Getting there: Luetzowstrasse 23, U-Bahn 2 to Mendelssohn-Bartholdy Park

'Doesn’t accept reservations.  Has dancing.’   Google’s five word description is a perfect summary of this tiny ‘reformed brothel’ which epitomises the archetypal Berlin dive bar.  

Reviews universally comment ‘unashamedly trashy’, this dive bar is the perfect place to end a hedonistic or just plain silly night.  A mixed crowd sips and bops along to a soundtrack from the 80s to 00s – they also serve BRLO beer from the nearby brewery.   Unlike the description above, the decor is anything but reformed. Something for everyone, particularly those who like red lights.

Trying to make sense of it all is a fool's errand so grab a beer and see where the night – or your new found friends - takes you.

If you manage to have a bad night in Berlin, you really haven't been paying attention. So whether your taste is for more refined cocktails, smoky dive bars or a urinal of pilsner, you're in safe hands. Listing only 5 bars serves only to cause a debate so let me know what should be added below.